In the last three years or so, things have actually been positive for Cleveland sports. The Cavaliers have been solid. The Guardians have found production from their young players. Finally, after hiring head coach Kevin Stefanski, the Browns made the playoffs. I know what you’re thinking, it’s time to express some optimism because not even you, Charles, can rain our parade. Although I agree, things seemed to have turned the proverbial corner; but as the old saying goes, “the more things change, the more they stay the same.”
Yes, the Cavaliers have drafted some studs lately including Darius Garland and Evan Mobley. Both players are key pieces of the future for this organization. However, let’s not gloss over the abysmal 2018 draft selection of Colin Sexton. I admit Colin isn’t a scrub and he has proven he at the very least deserves to be in the NBA. However, passing up on fantastic players such as Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, Michael Porter Jr, Anfernee Simons, and Jalen Brunson, is pure craziness.
A lot of you critical of my words will undoubtedly point to the accusation of Donovan Mitchell as a transaction that nullifies any prior mistake, and to that I would counter that we gave up Lauri Markkanen who is producing at a similar level as Mitchell while shooting better from three-point range at a fraction of the cost. The Cavs mortgaged their future on Mitchell and if this current roster doesn’t win a ring, this will be known as another laughable trade.
My haters will next say, “what about the Guardians, they made the playoffs in 2022 and almost beat the Yankees?” I agree the Guards are the best run organization in Cleveland, but what does this truly mean in the grand scheme of things? Nothing. They lost Frankie Lindor because the owner did not want to pay the man his worth; and without his consistent bat in the lineup, their offense has taken a colossal leap backwards. But Charles, the pitching is good enough to compete with anyone; don’t leave that “out your argument.” I can’t lie, Bieber, Quantrill, and Triston McKenzie are fantastic but until cheap ass Dolan spreads his wallet open for some top notch hitting, this team will continue being on the cusp of greatness but never cross the finish line. That’s equivalent to coitus without climax.
Ahh yes, the Browns, those same Ol’ Browns. They finally made the postseason for the first time since Cocaine snorting Bush was president. However, since then they have had a losing record. If anyone brings up Deshaun Watson as the savior, I will drink a gallon of Clorox and right before I croak, I’ll point to last season’s catastrophe. Watson was awful, like really bad. The savior was outplayed by career journeyman Jacoby Brissett. A completion percentage under 60, and a passer-rating of 79 out of a possible 158, should tell us Watson is a lot closer to being trash than being elite but delusional fans won’t admit to it. Let’s just say for shits and giggles he doesn’t get any more unlicensed massages and recaptures his form by playing like he did two years ago; this roster still has more holes than Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow.
Trust me dudes and dudettes, there is nothing more than I would like than consistent winners in Cleveland, which would bring joy to my decaying soul. This town has made me a pessimist and I don’t live in a world of make-believe. Some parting words, I was born and raised in Cleveland and besides LeBron, our biggest claim to fame was managing to catch our river on fire—14 times!
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